Last updated: October 2026
To DM potential coaching clients, only message people who already engaged with you: they followed you, liked or commented on a post, or replied to a story or poll. Open with “Thanks so much for liking my post. Just curious, what resonated with you about it?”, ask about what they’re going through, and if you can help, invite them to a quick call. Never cold DM, and never pitch in the first message.
I’ve been in sales for over 20 years and I’ve trained more than 4,000 coaches. This is the exact DM process I teach them.
Key takeaways
- Never cold DM. Only message people who already engaged with your content.
- Your first message is about them, not you: “What resonated with you about it?”
- The DM is the bridge between your content and an enrollment call. It’s not where you sell.
- Invite the right people to a quick call, then book a full 45 to 60 minute enrollment call.
- Instagram first, Facebook second. Use a script so you’re not making it up every time.
Should coaches cold DM potential clients?
Coaches should not cold DM potential clients. A cold DM is a message to a stranger who has never interacted with you, and it lands like spam. LinkedIn is the perfect example: everybody spams each other, you open the app and you’ve got 17 new messages, and you ignore every one of them.
The coaches who get clients from DMs do the opposite. They let their content do the first part of the work. When you post every day for your perfect client, the right people start liking, commenting and following. Those are the people you message. They already raised their hand.
That’s also why your content matters so much. If your posts speak directly to your perfect client’s pain and push everyone else away, then by the time someone is in your DMs, they’re already very likely a fit. If you’re not sure who that person is yet, start with how to find your coaching niche.
Who should you DM?
You should DM anyone who engaged with your content in some way. That’s your warm list, and it refreshes every time you post.
| What they did | Why it’s a good signal | How to open |
|---|---|---|
| Followed you | Something you posted made them want more | “Thanks so much for the follow. Just curious, what made you hit follow?” |
| Liked a post | That post spoke to something in their life | “Thanks so much for liking my post. Just curious, what resonated with you about it?” |
| Commented | They’re already talking to you | Reply to the comment, then message them about what they said |
| Replied to a story or poll | They opened a conversation themselves | Answer their reply and ask a question back |
This only works if you’re posting. No content means no engagement, and no engagement means nobody to message. Here’s how to build that content engine: social media for coaches.
What do you say in the first DM?
Your first DM should be short, warm and about them. The opener I teach is:
“Hey, thanks so much for liking my post. Just curious, what resonated with you about it?”
If you didn’t write that down, write it down. It works because it’s a real question and it’s easy to answer. You’re not selling anything. You’re curious about why that post hit them.
Here’s how it plays out. Say you’re a divorce coach and someone likes your post about rebuilding after a divorce. You send the opener. They write back, “I’m in the middle of a divorce,” or “I just got divorced.” Now you ask, “How have you been feeling since then? What’s been going on?” And you’re in a real conversation about what they’re going through.
How do you keep the DM conversation going?
You keep the conversation going by asking questions and listening, the same way you would on a coaching call. The goal of the DM is to understand what they’re going through and whether you can help.
Questions that open people up:
- “Tell me more about that.”
- “What else?”
- “You just said X. What do you mean by that?”
- “How long has that been going on?”
- “What have you tried so far?”
Pay attention to the words they repeat. If someone says “trapped” three times, that word matters to them. And as you go, ask yourself four questions: Can I help this person? Can I serve them at a high level? Have I gone through what they’re going through? Is this my perfect client?
Use a script for your DMs, the same way you should use one for your calls. A script doesn’t make you sound robotic. It keeps you from rambling and forgetting the questions that matter.
A Gift for Action-Takers
You’ve read this far, which means you’re serious about building something real. So here’s your next step: Book a 1:1 Free Strategy Call with one of my top business coaches.
When and how do you invite someone to a call?
Invite someone to a call once you know what they’re going through and you’re confident you can help. Keep the invite simple and helpful:
“Hey, listen. I think I know what you’re going through. Do you want to hop on a real quick call and I can try to help you out?”
Do the call on Zoom, face to face, so you can see their face and their body language. That’s where the real conversation happens.
Here’s how I’d run it:
- Start with a quick call, around 15 minutes. Help them for real. See if you can serve them at a high level.
- If they have time, keep going into a full enrollment call of 45 to 60 minutes.
- If they don’t have time and they’re still the right person, book the full call: “I can definitely help you even more. I know you only have 15 minutes right now. Do you want to schedule another call for tomorrow for 60 minutes?”
On the enrollment call, use a script and hold the doctor frame: friendly, but not friends. You show your authority by asking tougher questions than they’re used to hearing. Here’s the full structure I teach: coaching discovery call script.
Which platform is best for DMing potential clients?
Instagram is the best platform for DMing potential coaching clients, and Facebook is second. Both make it easy to start a conversation that feels like a text.
- Instagram: the easiest place to go from a like or a follow to a real conversation.
- Facebook: also works well for messaging people who engage.
- TikTok: hard for messages. A lot of people don’t check their messages and usually don’t respond.
- LinkedIn: only worth it if you’re a business coach, and even then you’re competing with a flood of spam.
Focus on one platform and post on two. You can use the same videos on both.
How do you DM without being salesy or pushy?
You avoid being pushy by doing the filtering before the DM, not during it. If your content speaks to your perfect client and pushes everyone else away, and your DMs are real conversations about their life, the person who ends up on a call with you is very likely the right fit. There’s nothing to push.
A lot of coaches hate the idea of selling because they’ve been on the other end of a pushy salesperson. I don’t like pushy salespeople either. But selling is one of the most natural things humans do. Ever been persuaded by a four-year-old who wants a popsicle before dinner? On a first date, you’re selling yourself on a second date. You’re always selling.
If you think negatively about sales, you’ll resist it, and your business won’t grow. The better you get as a salesperson, the better you get as a coach, and the other way around. If sales still makes you freeze up, read how to build confidence in sales as a coach.
Should you DM people you already know?
You shouldn’t pitch people you already know, but you shouldn’t hide from them either. Keep your existing Instagram account instead of starting a new “business” one. Two or three of a new coach’s first ten clients are often people who already knew them.
They’ve been watching your posts. One day they reply to a story or send you a message asking what this coaching thing is about. When that happens, treat it like any other warm DM: ask what’s going on and listen.
Your next step
Go to your notifications today. Find five people who liked, commented or followed in the last week, and send each of them the opener: “Thanks so much for liking my post. Just curious, what resonated with you about it?” Then listen.
For the bigger picture of where DMs fit, read the full guide on how to get coaching clients.
If you want help building this system, my advisors run free 1:1 strategy calls for coaches. They’ll look at your content, your DMs and your enrollment calls and show you where clients are slipping through, because an outside perspective shows you what you can’t see from inside your own business.
A Gift for Action-Takers
You’ve read this far, which means you’re serious about building something real. So here’s your next step: book a free 1:1 strategy session with one of my top business coaches.
Together, we’ll design your roadmap to start or grow your coaching business, defining your offers, pricing, content plan, and client acquisition strategy, so you stop guessing and start growing.
If you’re ready to stop waiting for the “perfect time” and finally take action on your dream, this session is your moment.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it OK to DM potential coaching clients?
Yes, as long as they engaged with you first. Message people who followed you, liked or commented on a post, or replied to a story or poll. Never cold DM strangers who have never interacted with your content.
What should I say in my first DM to a potential client?
Keep it simple and about them: “Thanks so much for liking my post. Just curious, what resonated with you about it?” Then listen to the answer and ask about what they’re going through. Don’t pitch in the first message.
How do you go from a DM to a sales call?
Once you know what they’re going through and you’re confident you can help, invite them to a quick call: “I think I know what you’re going through. Do you want to hop on a quick call and I’ll try to help you out?” Use about 15 minutes to help, then either keep going or book a full 60-minute enrollment call.
Which platform is best for DMing potential coaching clients?
Instagram first, then Facebook. Both make it easy to start a conversation. TikTok is weak for messages because many people don’t check or answer them, and LinkedIn is mainly worth it for business coaches.
Should I DM friends and people I already know about my coaching?
Don’t pitch them, but don’t hide from them either. Keep your existing account and post for your perfect client. Two or three of a new coach’s first ten clients are often people who already knew them and watched their posts.
